Some topless self-portraits were leaked onto the internet this week. I just want you all to know that these are not me!!! Yes, it’s true that some piece-of-shit hacker broke into my cell phone and got a hold of some pretty sexy shots of me that I plan on texting to Natalie Portman as soon as I get her number. My lawyer has already contacted the FBI about investigating this gross invasion of privacy. But the ones that you’re seeing online? Those ones that look exactly like me? No fucking way those are me! Definitely Photoshopped. I actually have a much hotter body than that. In other news: Scarlett Johansson’s (actual) boobies (finally) end up on the Internet.

Some topless self-portraits were leaked onto the internet this week. I just want you all to know that these are not me!!! Yes, it’s true that some piece-of-shit hacker broke into my cell phone and got a hold of some pretty sexy shots of me that I plan on texting to Natalie Portman as soon as I get her number. My lawyer has already contacted the FBI about investigating this gross invasion of privacy.

But the ones that you’re seeing online? Those ones that look exactly like me? No fucking way those are me! Definitely Photoshopped. I actually have a much hotter body than that.

In other news: Scarlett Johansson’s (actual) boobies (finally) end up on the Internet.